Thursday, 27 October 2016

8 Times Geelong Proved It's Actually a Town based on 'Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory'

Geelong.  My hometown.  Referred to by some as "the 'Danni Minogue' to Melbourne's 'Kylie'" and referred to by others as "that place the ring road now allows you to bypass on the way to the beach."  If Hong Kong can be labelled 'The Pearl of the Orient', Geelong could at least lay claim to being 'The high-end nipple ring of the Continent'.  But it's so much more than that!  Well, I mean... it's at least a little bit more than that!  We're a wonderous townfolk with a museum that's dedicated to wool, a jail with no inmates and a stadium that's home to cats.  Added to that, (and allow me to explain myself below) I've made a possibly earth-shattering discovery - [wait for it.... wait for it] - it appears that this quaint little city/town/settlement is actually based on the 1971 film 'Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory'!


You'll notice how I've now changed paragraphs, both for dramatic effect and to allow your freshly blown minds to absorb what they've just been dealt.  That's right, parallels between the 'City of Greater Geelong' and the film that gives you diabetes just by watching it.  Like an American version of 'The Ring'; you watch it and then you get fat.  So I want you to prepare yourselves because I'm about to drop some properly amusing Wonka-related similarities on you.  And I mean proper similarities, not just "six degrees of separation" type stuff.  That means I'm even overlooking the fact that a popular nickname for Geelong is "Sleepy Hollow", which was also the title of a Tim Burton film starring Johnny Depp, and both men respectively directed and starred in the film 'Charlie & the Chocolate Factory', which was a remake of 'Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory'!

Therefore, to coincide with the 45th anniversary of the film's release (yep I can hear some of you groaning about how old you just realised you are) and to give you all a reason to visit this fine place of ours, here are 8 times Geelong proved it's actually a town based on 'Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory'.

1.  Our most recent mayor, Darryn Lyons' appearance.

Wonka and Lyons.  Lyons' wardrobe shows they share a fondness for flare, his physique shows they share a fondness for chocolate.  It's really just missing Jade Jagger jumping up and proclaiming though her scrumdiddlyumptious gap teeth, "get the Wonka look!"

2.  Both men had 'tickets on themselves'.

Willy And Darryn. Both men in charge.  Both men with double-consonants in the middle of their first names.  Both men who ran highly popular campaigns based around issuing citizens a limited number of tickets.

3.  We have a river of chocolate.

What else can I say execpt this; it's our Barwon river, it's never claimed the life of an obnoxious chubby German and as you can see, it's our own personal 'chocolate river'.

4.  The busiest 'factory' in the city.

On the left; the brown brick factory and smoke stack that captured the imagination of an unnamed town.  On the right; the brown brick factory and smoke stack that's captured the attention of a nicknamed town.  Its gates were also shut for years only to reopen to much fanfare.  The one on the left is home to little orange Oompa Loompas and the one on the right is also literally home to "Little Creatures".  Sound and look familiar?

5.  And what goes on inside that factory?

Well just like in 'Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory'' as you can see from the photos above, inside this factory you can also find the young and the elderly getting stuck into the consumption of "Fizzy Lifting Drinks".

6.  The appearance of the factory workers.

Inside this and many of our big factories (as you can see above) you'll also find little orange workers.  The only difference being that the main threat to the ones on the left is a combination of "Wangdoodles, Hornswogglers, Snozzwangers, and rotten, Vermicious Knids", while the main threat to the ones on the right is cheap off-shore labour and OH&S officers.

7.  What brings all the boys (and girls) to the yard.

The most popular event in the town's social calendar is a place where children over-indulge in chocolates and lollies, before going on rides that are both nauseating and traumatic.  'The Geelong Show': basically a Wonka factory tour that can be cancelled due to bad weather and is less selective about admission.

8.  Waterslides or just fat kid catchers?

Finally, we're home to a sealed tube system built in the 1970s where overweight children run the risk of getting stuck when passing through them.  The only difference is that if you see brown liquid coming down it behind you, it's not chocolate, someone's had a horrible accident and you should pray you don't get stuck before it gets to you.

So with summer holidays drawing closer, why wouldn't pay this place a visit!?  A trip to Geelong's going to be cheaper than a trip to Disneyland, it's easier to get to than Gumbuya Park, it's still in operation unlike Wobbie's World and unlike Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, it's non-fictional!  I don't recommend you lick the walls, eat the giant mushrooms growing in the park or take lollies from a stranger, but I do recommend you hop in your "glass elevator" coupe, get the family down here, stop in for a pint of 'fizzy lifting drink' and wander along our chocolate water system.

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