Tuesday, 8 March 2016

The Daily Male Talks the 'Day of the Female'

March 8th; it’s so much more than just the day when the number of male feminists increases exponentially as men try to earn brownie points on social media.  It’s International Women’s day.  A day for celebrating the achievements and addressing the issues of the half of the world’s population that manages to repeatedly claim a larger portion of the doona cover from the other half of the world’s population.

This year’s official UN theme for International Women’s day is “Planet 50-50 by 2030: Step It Up for Gender Equality” and why shouldn’t it be!?  I wouldn’t be writing this article if it wasn’t for a 50-50 effort from a male and female almost 30 years ago.  So on this your official day and in the spirit of your Patron Saint “BeyoncĂ©”, this is just a one-day reminder of why you should enjoy today so much, as well as all the ways you make the other 364 days of the year pretty great/crazy/weird too.

The place of worship seems to be generally everywhere.

For starters, International Women’s Day is your day to celebrate just being you!  Like if Valentine’s Day celebrated singles.  A day where no matter what your profession, passion, nationality, religion or dietary requirements, you get to celebrate being a woman.  No exclusions, if the world was a Tinder app, you would all get a swipe right today just for being signed-up.  There hasn’t been such an indiscriminate celebration since the concept of the “participation award” in primary schools.  International Women’s Day is your own personal “Drake day.”  It’s your day to take pride in the achievements of women throughout history and now, and even though you may have not struggled at all, you get to blast Drake’s “Started from the Bottom” like it was based on your life story.

Today’s not just an opportunity to break the internet with inspirational Tupac quotes.  It’s a reminder to embrace all the stuff that makes women great.  The things that, much like garlic, egg and pepper, on their own aren’t great, but when mixed together make a pretty delicious omelette.  It’s for this reason that the recipe for many of the greatest women in history involves two-parts ‘resting bitch face’, one-part resting in your activewear, as well as several parts of your ability to say everything’s fine when it’s clearly not and your lack of shame in asking for directions when lost.  If you doubt any part of this, try to find a picture of Marie Curie smiling or Serena Williams not just kicking it in activewear.

The greats of history embraced the 'resting bitch face'.

Added in to all of this, let’s acknowledge that you balance out all the flaws of us men (and even as I write the word “men” to describe myself as one, I realise that the word “boy” feels more appropriate).  In a world where most men can barely remember to lower the toilet seat, today is a celebration of all of the women who never quit trying to raise the bar.  You’re a constant reminder to all the fans of the bible out there that even if women were truly made after men, it was because like any of us that have tried a recipe for the first time, you’re rarely happy with the result of your first attempt and need to make try a second time before you’re happy with the results.

I suppose it’s also worth mentioning that you’re so awesome that Bruce Jenner became one of you!  Let’s stop and appreciate just how massive this is.  You had an Olympic gold medallist and millionaire say his greatest achievement was finally becoming a member of your gender!  Now having only been a member of a few video stores, health funds and fast food clubs myself, I can’t imagine being a member of any group that would mean giving up so much to join but also make me feel as good as that.  Although it does explain why the Matildas have gained a bigger following over the last two weeks than Melbourne City FC has over the last six years.

      The Matildas                                       Melbourne City FC
Mathematics don't lie.

So more than anything, I wrote this piece because I thought you deserved a little more flattery (and hopefully laughs) than just 140 characters would provide.  So to all the women out there, whether you’re a ‘Dannii’ working on becoming a ‘Kylie’ or you’re a ‘Hillary’ but you think you’re a ‘BeyoncĂ©’, Happy International Women’s Day to all of you.  I’ll leave you with a verse from your Patron Saint that I hope you’ll shout proudly as you read this; “Who run the world!?!?....”