Two Goals – One Cup: Your Essential Brazil 2014 World Cup Round-up

Only a quarter of the way into the world’s biggest sporting competition, the FIFA World Cup, and the planet is well and truly Brazil nuts!  From games with own goals and games with no goals, to free kicks and costly mistakes, it’s already been an exciting week of play.  What’s been missing is a lighter look at some of the nations whose teams are performing on the world game’s biggest stage this year around.  So with that in mind, let’s get this World Cup ball rolling as I risk a red card and put my boot into 16 of those teams at random – the good, the bad and the English!

Brazil – Not only are they this year’s hosts, but they’ve raised the World Cup more times than any other nation.  Also, between all of that, they’ve even found time to patent a style of intimate hair removal.  Amazing given the fact that poverty is so predominant in Brazil, most of the Brazilian players such as Marcelo, Maicon and Hulk, can’t afford more than one name each.  They’re the only team at this tournament in the ‘green and gold’ kits that are expected to achieve greatness.  The team carries the name the “Little Yellow Canary”, which refers both to their kit colours and possibly to the fact that they will be the first to drop in the event of a gas leak at one of their hurriedly completed stadiums.  Big props to them for also playing with such great enthusiasm despite the fact their Football Federation’s initials are ‘CBF’ and are sewn onto their shirts.

Bosnia & Herzegovina – A nation with a past so complicated, they have to put an ‘&’ in their title.  It’s their first FIFA World Cup and in “World Cup” years (1 ‘World Cup year’ = 4 calendar years) they are less than 5 years-old.  Like most toddlers there’s a good chance they’ll make mess of things and be put to bed early.  Conceived during a drunken World Cup ’94 after-party they are somewhat of a ‘Balkan bastard child’.  Their team nickname is “The Dragons”, presumably because the World Cup has never seen them before and those who have heard of them still believe their nation is made-up.  Sledging tips for other teams; remind them that their flag looks like their nation is based on the ideals of the ‘Bank of Queensland’.

The Netherlands – Or as the USA calls them; “That place where Michael Jackson and Peter Pan lived.”  It’s very important to note that people from the Netherlands are happy for you to refer to their country as “Holland”.  They are not happy when you refer to it as the “Nether-regions”.  Dressed in Oompa Loompa Orange and looking as scary as an aggressive pumpkin, one thing’s for sure; whether wearing clogs or boots, the “Clockwork Orange’s” recipe for success will be prepared in a ‘Dutch oven’.

Australia – Some people take away points from games, but the Socceroos are that team that’s always “taking away positives”.  Remember Eric Moussambani in the pool at the Sydney Olympics?  Well, most of the World Cup community pretty much sees us as the Eric Moussambani of this tournament… “The Soccerics”.  While others are aiming to break records, we’re just happy to get to the other end of the pool without drowning.  Aussie supporters get pretty excited at every World Cup, mainly because most believe “soccer” is a sport that’s only played every four years and was invented in 2006.  This team’s big asset – multiculturalism.  Our national team is like a mini World Cup, where we took players from each nation and threw them in a mixer.  The taste might not be great, but we should at least get points for a diverse range of ingredients.

Colombia – A team that gave new meaning to the phrase “it’s more than a game”.  As a nation they have a history of “white line fever”, a lenient stance on drugs and yet a zero tolerance approach to “own goals”.  They’ve chosen to name their team “The Coffee Growers” because judging by their dramatic history, their brand of football is sure to keep you up at night.  One thing’s for sure, if they manage to make it across the finish line, it’ll be by a nose.

USA – They make us happy they didn’t choose to follow Colombia’s lead of naming their team after their chief export, because “Obese under-educated war-mongers” is a lot to fit on a Nike shirt.  We can only assume that their team philosophy is the same as their national philosophy that “the best defence is a strong attack.”  Exciting match-ups we want to see are with Russia and Iran.  Best tips for opponents – a candy bar or smart phones in the pocket could be well-used ‘weapons of mass distraction’.

France – Not a nation known for their attack, my prediction is that shortly after their first encounter with a strong opponent, they’ll surrender, give-up their half of the field and hand over at least a third of their players.  Their nickname is “The Blues” which essentially makes this group of men the second batch of Blues Brothers, and as we all know, the sequel is rarely better than the original.  Things they have in their arsenal; they’re previous winners of the tournament, they’re home to some of the best players in the world and they have a star player that looks like a Bond villain.

Croatia – Chess board shirts match a chequered past.  While they can’t seem to imitate Germany’s history of quality football, they did have a player suspended for the chanting of Nazi epithets before the World Cup, so that’s something.  They also have more “ić’s” in their team than an Aus-Kick clinic during a lice outbreak.  Another sledging tip for opponents; remind midfielder, Luka Modric, any time he goes down and complains about contact, that “this is what happens when your name, literally translated, means ‘Harbour Little Bruise’.”  No confirmation as to whether striker, Ivica Olic’s dad is in fact named ‘Alko’.  But will the team nicknamed ‘The Blazers” burn out suddenly or set the field alight?  Whether you’re ‘pro or ante’ Croatia, you can be sure the team whose kit looks like a French restaurant table cloth, will be eager to serve-up a title-taking dish.

Switzerland – A country unlikely to kick into gear in this tournament as they’re first choice has always been ‘neutral’.  A team from a nation so bland, they even managed to avoid getting Hitler offside.  If you don’t believe me, they’re national team nickname is “The Schweizer Nati”, which means simply, “The Swiss National Team”.  Intimidation is not in their list of powers.  In fact, there’s a reason their country sounds like Disneyland… I mean… it is a “small nation after all.”  They also gave the world cuckoo clocks, which I hope means there’s a good chance their keeper will step out of his box perhaps once an hour, make some noise and then go back in and not do much.  Their national flag is a first aid kit, their best known army weapon is used more on scout camping trips than battlefields and they’re more likely to produce holes in cheese than in their opponents’ defence.  A stable economy, a well-educated nation, a quite undramatic history; their back story just doesn’t read dramatic or romantic enough for me to believe they could make something happen at Brazil 2014.

Germany – Colder and more clinical than a Siberian doctor’s surgery they’ve faced-off with almost as many nations in war than in the world cup.  Reasons to watchout for them;  they have a history of football success, quest for world domination and a teamsheet of player names that read like a Nuremberg trial list of defendants.  They’re team nickname “The Mannschaft” resembles a World War II tank or German word for male genitalia.  That seems appropriate, because this is a team that likes to score and has proven they can penetrate the box and produce results.  Free kicks against them could be an issue as they have a history of constructing big strong walls that are almost impossible to get over.  They do what it takes to win, even if that means having a German team with hardly any Germans in it.  Tactics you can use against them; what tactics?  These people don’t get comedy, their leader has the Star Wars title of “Chancellor” and they list David Hasselhoff as a national hero.  On a scale of 1 – 10 (‘10’ being “no chance of beating them”) most teams will come in at a “NEIN”.

England – If Germany resemble the guy that turns-up and gets the job done, England is the guy that draws-up a great design, gets the job, and leaves mid way through construction but vows to come back in four years to finish it off.  Also, I have to point out that for a country that’s seen its fair share of war, it seems a little ironic that they’re most likely to be taken down in a penalty shoot-out.  The only place where England is likely to perform worse and score fewer points is at ‘Eurovision’.  You get the feeling the cup could be won, by the ‘Two Ronnies’ before the team named “The Three Lions.”  They’ve certainly been England’s least successful boy band.  In fairness, Katy Perry has shown more “roar”.  Realistically, the toughest opponent for England at Brazil 2014 will likely be England.  If World War II was fought as a football game, Londoners would definitely be speaking German.

Spain – The country who lets their football do the talking, mainly because the Spanish language means all their players speak with a lisp.  They won the last World Cup and the last two European Cups, which means they’ve actually won more international competitions than many of the teams at Brazil 2014.  “The Red Fury” seems like an apt nickname given how they must feel after their performance at this World Cup.  Easily the most disappointing Spanish performance at Brazil 2014 after Pit Bull at the opening ceremony.  The Spanish are known for a famous inquisition so it seems ironic they haven’t really asked any questions of their opponents.

Mexico – They don’t need to do anything.  They’ve already given us tequila, turned chips into a main meal and own the rights to the wave most people will be doing in the stands.  No matter who lifts that trophy in the end – they’re the real winners.

Argentina – One thing you can say for sure about the “White & Sky Blues” is that they’re the first to put their hand up to grab a World Cup title… literally.  With Messi, Di Maria and Aguero among others, they have more stars in their team than Bosnia & Herzegovina has on its flag.  And unless the lyrics, “Hello, is it me you’re looking for” give you nightmares, it’s the only time a man named ‘Lionel’ is ever going to instil fear into the hearts of any opposition.  As well as being the country that brought us ‘Tango’ dancing, they’re the only national team to have had goals scored for them by Maradona and a song sung about them by Madonna – what a difference a consonant makes!  Whether it it’s from the ‘hand of God’ or the ‘boot of Messi’, it’ll certainly take more than two to tango with this team.

Italy – Italy’s economic troubles are rarely as well-illustrated as at the FIFA World Cup where we see that to save money, they’ve had to combine their national football team with their national diving team.  With a steady diet of pasta, pizza and garlic bread, the term “carb-loading” is etched in their culture and the “Azzuri” are ready to try and sip from the World Cup.  There’s no “i” in “team”, but there is an “i” in “Italy” and even more “i’s” in their players’ names.  Beware; this is a country so in love with football that they shaped their country like a boot kicking a ball.  Tip to opponents; if you see an Italian striker with the ball outside the box and another inside the box in a good position, be very careful – if you believe the bible, a Roman was responsible for the first ever “cross” and it ended badly for the opposition.

Greece – If ever there was a team voted most likely to win the World Cup and then melt it down and use the gold to repay foreign debt, Greece is that team.  Always assured a top spot in the “group of debt”.  They’re the nation of hard rocks and soft pastries and by having midfielders with surnames like ‘Christodoulopoulos’, their biggest concern isn’t winning, but rather fitting the names on the back of their kits.  Clashes to watch out for will be if they face off against Germany in a battle of the “Borrower Vs the Bank”.  They’ve almost single-handedly managed to bring down Euro – the world seems the logical next step.  Their team nickname is “The Pirate Ship”, one can only assume because their team consists of a group of swarthy bearded men who are on a quest for gold and speak broken English.  Hot tip for anyone going up against Greece; just focus on getting at least a one-goal lead.  Greece’s national track record shows they have trouble bridging a deficit.  Ultimately, with a team full of players whose names end with the sound “loss”, odds are Brazil 2014 could prove to be a Greek tragedy.

And THAT folks, is the final whistle!

'Serbian Sinisa' Sets Example for Sport

To say Serbian football has experienced an eventful past two weeks is an understatement to say the least.

First came the signing of former Serbian International and Serie A record-holder, Sinisa Mihajlovic to a two-year contract as head coach of the Serbian national team.

Less than one week later the team had to take on the defending World and European Cup champions Spain, in a pre-Euro 2012 friendly played in St Galen, Switzerland.

However, perhaps the most dramatic event came on Monday when Mihajlovic asked current Serbia player, Adem Ljajic, to return home after failing to join his teammates in singing the national anthem prior to their clash with Spain.

A statement from the Serbian Football Federation expressed support for Mihajlovic’s move and announced that by not singing the anthem, Ljajic had “breached the team’s code of conduct.”

This is not the first time Ljajic has landed himself in hot-water for his conduct on the football field.  The Fiorentina star found himself at the centre of another storm earlier this month when he was attacked by then Viola boss, Delio Rossi.

Ljajic was hauled off by Rossi in the 2-2 draw with Novara, a decision he greeted with a sarcastic gesture.  Rossi then went for the 20-year-old, throwing punches as he sat on the bench.

In spite of this, Mihajlovic’s move has been labelled by some as dangerously heavy-handed and rather questionable.  A vast majority however have rushed to applaud his actions and see this as a possible turning point for this Serbian team, yet to live-up to their undeniably great potential.

Questionable it may be, but a drastically novel idea it is not.

Following the ‘French Fiasco’ of World Cup 2010 when players staged a mutiny after Coach Raymond Domenech sent Nicolas Anelka packing for misconduct, the French team quickly fell apart and was eliminated from competition.

In a sentence; their attempt to assert their authority over the coach ‘Le Bleu-up’ in their faces.

Laurent Blanc, like Mihajlovic, a former international star of the game was appointed in the lead-up to Euro 2012 qualifiers and left to pick-up the remains of a team left in tatters.

Like Mihajlovic, one of Blanc’s first motions as new coach of the French national side was to pass the words of the French national anthem onto his players and demand they sing it before their first qualifying game with Belarus.

“They perfectly know what I think.  I’ve passed the lyrics on to them,” Blanc said.

“Everybody is free to do what he wants but when you know La Marseillaise, you sing it,” he added.

Much like in Serbia’s case, the changes extend far beyond simply having to sing the national anthem and are about instituting a strict code of conduct through a number of responsibilities.

“When you’re a coach, you can try to ask your players to behave on the pitch in a way which can inspire them for their day-to-day living,” Blanc said.

Blanc now asks his players to do simple things like collecting their empty water bottles at the end of each training session, something they rarely did under Domenech.

Therefore the rule is not exclusive to Serbia and to say it is, or to say players should simply “do as they please”, whether naïve or simply stupid, is in no way productive to Serbia’s rehabilitation as a powerhouse of world football.

“Football should be entertainment for all fans who love the game, including women and children, while commitment, passion and patriotism must go hand in hand with a player’s talent,” Mihajlovic said.

A member of the Red Star Belgrade side that claimed a historic UEFA Champion’s League title in May of 1991, since accepting the top-job, Mihajlovic has made no secrets of his intentions to overhaul both the reputation and fortunes of Serbian football.

Following an arrival at World Cup 2010 as the ‘dark horse’ of the tournament and a historic 1-0 defeat of Germany at group stage (the first time ‘Die Mannschaft’ had lost at group stage in 24 years), the ‘White Eagles’ failed to progress past group stage, finishing in bottom place.

Then came a disastrous Euro 2012 campaign, which saw Serbia’s side going into it with no coach, after Radomir Antic was suspended for several games following an altercation with a FIFA official and shortly after sacked.

Under the hastily appointed Vladimir Petrovic as coach, the team conceded more goals, seemed generally out of sorts and even had to forfeit a match in Genoa against Italy due to crowd violence and hooligan behaviour from some of their fans, robbing them of a vital three-points.

Clearly there was something deeply wrong here.  Something deeper than tactical changes and player formation that needed to be addressed.

Renowned for being a hard-man and no stranger to controversy in his time playing at the highest level, Mihajlovic certainly seems to have the strength of his convictions and has made clear his plans to deal with this.

“I will ask the FSS to make sure we play only in venues where fans will behave in order to stop tarnishing Serbia’s reputation which is already blotted by a plethora of incidents,” Mihajlovic said.

“The players, on the other hand, will have to sign a code of conduct binding each and every one who represents Serbia to learn the national anthem, behave at international and club level and put their hearts on the sleeve,” he added.

Why then is it that a coach who is demanding his players adhere to a strict code of conduct, teamwork and behaviour befitting professional athletes, being so hastily questioned about his actions?

As the profile, involvement and financial value of the world game grows, have we lost respect for the people who officiate it?

According to some experts, the type of behaviour demonstrated by Ljajic is essentially what has dogged the Serbian National Team for years, and indeed many professional football teams in recent times.

Marko Savkovic, a researcher at the Belgrade Centre for Security Policy, agrees a firm approach like Mihajlovic’s is also a very necessary one.

“It’s imperative to tackle discipline both and off the field, as well as in the stands because of the flow-down effect they can have on one another,” Mr Savkovic said.

“Discipline and a strict hierarchy have already been mentioned [in the past] as characteristics of ‘hooliganism’ and football in Serbia.  Finally we see someone, doing something about it, and with the support of the Football Federation,” he added.

Unfortunately, much of Mihajlovic’s criticism seems to have been generated by people as unwilling to read between the lines as they are to look beyond the headlines.  Ljajic was not “permanently banished from the team” as some reports have suggested.

A statement from the Serbian Football Federation in fact read: “The door has not been closed forever on the national team but [Ljajic] needs to change his attitude and officially notify Mihajlovic that he has done so.

“Then when his form merits it, he can return.”

It also seems important to clarify; Ljajic (along with every other player named by Mihajlovic in the Serbian national side) signed a code of conduct promising, among other things, to “sing the national anthem of Serbia at every match.”

He signed an agreement, didn’t adhere to it and was duly dumped as a result.  Therefore, he wasn’t simply “dumped for not singing the national anthem” but rather for breach of contract through violation of the team code of conduct.

At the heart of it, what Ljajic has done is make an individual choice in a team sport and it seems disappointing that Mihajlovic’s critics should have to be reminded about the importance of “No ‘I’ in TEAM” philosophy.

Given the nickname, the ‘Bomber of Borovo’ due to his lethal left boot, Mihajlovic was a member of the Yugoslavia team of the 90s and early 2000s that played amidst the backdrop of the bloody Balkan wars.

He therefore knows a thing or two about the importance of standing as a member of a strong team and presenting a united front.  When speaking at his first press conference as the newly appointed coach of Serbia, his words echoed this sentiment.

“You all know as I do that as a footballer, I made many mistakes, both on and off the field,” Mihajlovic said.

“So when I decided to accept the role as coach of the Serbian national side, my main motivation was to in some way educate the younger players, the players who have chosen a career in professional football, not to repeat the same mistakes I have made,” he added.

Mihajlovic’s commitment, even if some may not realise it, is a pivotal step in the right direction for Serbian football and Serbian sport as a whole.  An example many sporting federations could do well to follow.

Yes, outside in the ‘real world’ one can wear what they like, sing if they please or do as they will.  However, for those 90+ minutes, this is not the ‘real world’.  Do not forget, this is a job.  It is these players’ workplace.  In the same way that when you go to work, you adhere to a dress code, follow a code of behaviour and behave in accordance with that work culture.  So should they.

Quite simply, Ljajic was sent home, not by Sinisa Mihajlovic the ‘son of a Croatian mother’ or by Sinisa Mihajlovic the ‘husband of an Italian wife’.  He was sent home by ‘Mihajlovic the coach’.  Whether or not you like the man, you must respect the position.

Melbourne Victory FC ‘Blue & White Brigade’ member and ‘Footy Fans Down Under’ award recipient, Peter Lukic, says it’s a very principled step by Mihajlovic and any criticism levelled at him is unwarranted.

“The talk about rights is sadly thrown around with little knowledge of their actual place, role or application.  There’s a difference between disrespecting and disciplining,” Mr. Lukic said.

“Honestly it’s disappointing to have the same people who complain about changes coming about too little too late then also complaining about things being done too fast too soon!  Shut-up, sit back and let the man do the job he has been courted for over 4 months and signed to a two-year contract to do,” he added.

No, footballers are not singers.  But by that definition, they are not paid to be national ambassadors or role models either but these are responsibilities and expectations that accompany the job title.  Singing the anthem demonstrates a level of respect, unity and a willingness to follow the orders of the coach, without question but rather complete trust and faith in his or her motives.

New Zealand rugby players are not dancers but it is understood that they will perform the Haka before each match.  Like the anthem, it is a tribute and way of paying respect to the culture and to the nation you are representing.  To defy that and choose not too sing it with your teammates is a spit in the face of any citizen or supporter not lucky enough to wear the same colours.

Like it or not, these are the rules.  Just like wearing the correct uniform, demonstrating sportsmanship and attending training.

Whatever the case may be, a lack of respect for the coach, country or team can have devastating repercussions.  Whether that be the French team’s troubles of 2010 or John Terry’s attempt to instigate a mutiny against former England boss, Fabio Cappello, it is clear the institution of discipline by a coach early on is vital to a team’s success and cohesion.

In the meantime, sing the anthem loud and proud, respect the selector and 'Hajl' to the chief!

*Serbia meets France tomorrow and Sweden on June 5 for the remainder of their scheduled friendlies.